I haven't blogged again in a while, it seems either I have writers block, or I feel to emotional since my return from the island. I don't want to start blogging and risk exposing myself emotionally, so I have not blogged for that reason. Who knew going home would stir up so much. I have lived in the Okanagan for over 13 years, and I have to say it is still not my true home. I don't know if it is because as we get older it is harder to make lasting friendships that matter or because it does not have my history here. I don't have the pleasure of driving to a place of my past and thinking "I remember that time...". Do you understand what I mean? Nanaimo has both of those things for me. My friends that I hold dear to my heart, and the link to my past as well. I am still torn as to what I would like, as I have said before there a lot more things to consider now. I have a life here. Stasia has a life here. And so on and so forth. Family...that is a tricky one for me. I do have some family here, but as time has gone on it has been up and down. I wish I could just be close to them, but some unforeseen force seems to keep me apart. Again this is probably my own doing, but that is how it is. I know if I went to Nanaimo I would be able to just "pop in" to my friends house and I would be welcomed with open arms always. I miss that! I know some people here that I no longer connect with for the fact that they are untrustworthy, and I miss being able to trust. I miss family. I miss my Mom ( she passed for those who don't know). Again a link that Nanaimo has for me. A connection to my Mom. Maybe this all sounds ridiculous to some, but I can't help how I feel.
Now don't get me wrong...I love my life! I am fortunate for a lot of things. My health, my partners health and my daughters health. We also have plenty of things to be happy for as a family, a house, a running vehicle, bills paid and food in the cupboards etc.... but don't we all want something we don't have. I think that we do. I think by blogging this out it helps me in my own head to think. I know what lies ahead in my future is already written, but I like to believe that if I decide something it is of my own doing. I don't know if that makes sense, but oh well it does to me. Thanks for the time.